My birthday is what you can loosely call a half-birthday. It falls right after Christmas, a holiday thats so widely celebrated that it overwhelms my special day. It's not like I wanted to be born that day, but I guess I can't help but accept it that Jesus wanted me to see the world that fateful day.

I was hoping/thinking, a present (maybe a Crumpler), a tiramisu cake with candles and a surprise outing would be nice. I had the opposite instead, no presents, no cakes, no surprise outings, just like the previous years before. Even one birthday present would have made me happy. Guess it wasn't gonna happen this year.

Maybe I had my hopes too high this year, like the 18 years that had passed before me.
Maybe I had too high expectations, but how could I have not? My friends birthdays, a month before me were remembered and celebrated and presented with a crumpler bag(for goodness sake, you know how expensive is that? I helped chipped in too!).

I received a few "empty" sms birthday wishes but not a single verbal "Happy Birthday". And speaking of cakes, would you call a melting ice cream tub (from who knows where with a candle) which was "given" days late and a Giant Burger (from New York, which our hungry stomachs were going to devour for lunch) cakes? Guess not.

Feeling rejected and depressed on my birthday, I stayed at home watching movies on my laptop instead of doing my report. Hey, what could I have done? I was so dejected, I couldn't concentrate and even had no appetite for lunch though my stomach was growling. I was forced out of the house at night to eat my "birthday" dinner at a chinese restaurant but it didn't feel special. Just another normal dinner.

Maybe next year would be better than the last 19. Or maybe by then I would have given up all hope. Or I might be outfield in a tent celebrating with the wild pigs and insects.

It just against my values to remind someone, Hey! It's my birthday. Lets go out and celebrate. It's about people remembering it's your special day. It's about them planning to make it a special and memorable day for you. Not you to so blatantly tell them in the face, it's my birthday. Celebrate it.

I feel so insignificant and unworthy that I'm not good enough for my friends to celebrate my birthday.

Everybody hurts.... Sometimes..... Sometimes...... Sometimes....

Labels: Sad Uncelebrated Birthday